under pressure

i'm 35. but, when i say it loud, it sounds much older than i feel. this being 35 really isn't so bad. i feel young; i feel happy. i am happy. i've lived a fantastic life thus far, traveling, learning, and connecting with people all over the world. i now have a fairly certain sense of who i am and what i want my life to be.

thing is, i'm single. and, in my 30's, this has been a lingering uncertainty that i am still learning how to manage. i've done alright for myself so far. i focus, as i always have, on life as a journey, and i relish in the incredible opportunities it has to offer. over the last year and a half, i have unexpectedly found fulfillment in teaching students in south carolina about the middle east, which has forever changed me. so, most days, this being single simply rests in the background of my adventurous and invigorating life...

...until now.

for the first time ever, i am feeling socially uneasy about being single. i find myself being more careful about telling people how old i am. i get concerned about comments and looks that my age+singleness will produce from people. it seems to me that i have crossed some magic line from being acceptably, if unfortunately, single to being uncomfortably single. this, of course, is not without justification.

recently, the looks have turned from surprise to pity and the comments from reassurance to various disturbing alternatives to marriage. a couple of weeks ago, i had a woman, with her hand on my shoulder, tell me that i can live a wonderful, exciting life without getting married, because there are many experiences to be had. on the same day, another woman told me that i will be a great wife and mother: if not in this life, in the next. (sigh). later that week, two other people, on separate occasions, asked if i thought i would ever get married.

apparently, gone are the days of warm and fuzzy, encouraging stories, comments and opinions. i suppose this is what happens on the down-slope to 40. perhaps people just don't know what to do with me and my singleness. i don't really know what to do with it either. there are only two things of which i am certain: i'm happy with my life, past and present. and, if i could do it over again, i'd do it all the same.

so, i only know one way to answer those two people who asked me if i thought i'd ever get married...i hope so. i hope.

friendly banter

so, my friend jared has this super cool job that takes him over to iraq for a couple of months at a time, which is awesome, except that communications between the US of A and iraq are less than favorable at times. what's worse is that with the time change and our busy schedules, i often miss jared's calls.

on monday, j called and left me a voicemail in which he jokingly demanded a "signed, sealed, and notarized explanation" of why i missed his call. the following is a letter that i emailed to him later that night. it made me laugh while i was writing it, so i thought i would share it here. here you go, mr. mccullough, you've officially made it to the blog:


November 15, 2010

Jared Lee McCullough
[censored gov't address]
09344

Re: Phone call to Brooke Leora Grant

Dear Sir:

We have been informed that you made a phone call from Iraq at 15:55 Eastern Standard Time on 15 November 2010 to Ms. Brooke Leora Grant. We are also aware that she was unable to answer this call. Apparently, in your voicemail, you indicated that you required a formal letter of explanation for why Ms. Grant did not answer your phone call, important as it was.

Ms. Grant has asked us to serve as voice for her in this explanation.

First, please be aware that Ms. Grant is always pleased to receive phone calls from you. She also thoroughly enjoys the voicemails that you leave for her. She has instructed us to encourage you to continue calling her and leaving messages.

Second, we would like to express, on behalf of Ms. Grant, the sincerity of Ms. Grant’s disappointment at missing your phone call. She, of course, did not hear the call, and when she finally removed her phone from her bag, she was frustrated at the realization of missing your call. In conjunction with this, we would like to gently remind you that whenever possible Ms. Grant answers your phone calls, even when she is in class.

Third, we would like to provide you with the explanation for Ms. Grant missing your call on the above listed date. According to her sworn statement, Ms. Grant’s inability to answer your call was due simply to the fact that she did not hear her phone ring. Had she heard the call, she would have certainly answered, despite the unknown number.

We hope that this explanation answers your questions and fulfills the request as stated in your voicemail. As always, Ms. Grant is more than happy to allocate some time to talk with you, as long as she is not teaching.

Please receive our deepest gratitude, along with the infinite gratitude of Ms. Grant, for your sacrifice in serving our country and its military. It would make us sincerely happy to see you reunited with our client, Ms. Grant, as quickly as possible.

Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors,

Iraqi-US Conspiracy Counsel

an apple for the teacher

it's been a long time since i've had anything of consequence to write on the blog. actually, that's not true, but i've gotten out of the habit of keeping track of the crazy life moments that i want to write here. last week, i had one such moment and promised myself that i would take the time to write about it on the blog. so, (deep breath) here it goes.

last week, my student, katja, came into my office to talk about some problems she was having on her paper. she walked in and said, "i know this is super cliche, but i have an apple for you (as she hands me said apple). my grandparents own a 1000 acre apple orchard, and they brought me some over the weekend."

precious. and so not cliche. i took the apple, glowing, of course, and showering her with thanks. in between my thank you's and smiles, katja told me that she had asked her roommate if she thought it was ok to give an apple to her teacher. her roommate said, "um, i really don't think that's a good idea. i wouldn't do it." katja thought for a second and said to her roommate, "no, you don't know brooke. i think she'll love it."

but, what happened next was even better. we discussed her questions and determined some things she could do to improve her paper (which was already well-written). as she stood up to leave, she said, "i've worked harder on this paper than any other paper i've ever written, and i've loved every minute."

it's moments like this that make me love teaching. this semester, in particular, i have had more students than usual who have had breakthrough moments. in those moments, i am happiest. nothing is quite so exciting as seeing a student recognize and conquer a weakness in his/her writing or having a student, like angel, who realized this semester that her perception of Middle Eastern culture has been unconsciously formed through the lens of 9/11 and is dangerously biased. so, as she put, she has formed a "bigger picture" or "an end game" for the rest of her work in this class, which is to look for and draw out the similarities between cultures rather than the differences.

yes. this is why i love teaching. and, this is why i loved katja's apple. because, in the deepest deep of my heart, i am a teacher. and there's nothing i would rather be.

background obsession

it's been a long time since i've blogged, as you all know. so this new blog template designer thing has my mind spinning and spinning. it also has me obsessed with trying new backgrounds for the blog...yeah, the one i never write on.

tonight, though, i think i found the winner. i love my new blog background, and i commit, here and now, that i will start blogging again for real, instead of just changing my background and teasing you all with pretend blog posts.