i'm 35. but, when i say it loud, it sounds much older than i feel. this being 35 really isn't so bad. i feel young; i feel happy. i am happy. i've lived a fantastic life thus far, traveling, learning, and connecting with people all over the world. i now have a fairly certain sense of who i am and what i want my life to be.
thing is, i'm single. and, in my 30's, this has been a lingering uncertainty that i am still learning how to manage. i've done alright for myself so far. i focus, as i always have, on life as a journey, and i relish in the incredible opportunities it has to offer. over the last year and a half, i have unexpectedly found fulfillment in teaching students in south carolina about the middle east, which has forever changed me. so, most days, this being single simply rests in the background of my adventurous and invigorating life...
...until now.
for the first time ever, i am feeling socially uneasy about being single. i find myself being more careful about telling people how old i am. i get concerned about comments and looks that my age+singleness will produce from people. it seems to me that i have crossed some magic line from being acceptably, if unfortunately, single to being uncomfortably single. this, of course, is not without justification.
recently, the looks have turned from surprise to pity and the comments from reassurance to various disturbing alternatives to marriage. a couple of weeks ago, i had a woman, with her hand on my shoulder, tell me that i can live a wonderful, exciting life without getting married, because there are many experiences to be had. on the same day, another woman told me that i will be a great wife and mother: if not in this life, in the next. (sigh). later that week, two other people, on separate occasions, asked if i thought i would ever get married.
apparently, gone are the days of warm and fuzzy, encouraging stories, comments and opinions. i suppose this is what happens on the down-slope to 40. perhaps people just don't know what to do with me and my singleness. i don't really know what to do with it either. there are only two things of which i am certain: i'm happy with my life, past and present. and, if i could do it over again, i'd do it all the same.
so, i only know one way to answer those two people who asked me if i thought i'd ever get married...i hope so. i hope.
8 comments:
everybody will want to be 35 because you make it that cool and hot and fun and intelligent and with it. love this honest post--don't know what all the crazy people and comments are about. all i know is that you're incredible!
Brooke,
Heed to my words, which are carefully chosen to encourage you. Please note that they are not lies said just to make you feel better. Au contraire, they are Truthful words that I hope you will take to heart. (And, yes, although you may have the argument that "Truth" with a capital T doesn't exist, I believe this to be an exception to the rule!)
You are, for lack of a better word, downright awesome. Stop. Back up. And look at you.
You have lived in more places than most people ever visit in a lifetime. You have an educated, yet tolerant view of the world and its cultures. You are doing what you love: teaching. But, not only are you teaching, you are also completely changing the lives of the students you encounter everyday. You are consciously and effectively "making your mark" in the lives of those around you and in the lives of those afar off.
Marriage will come. God may be currently molding your character in order to prepare you to be a perfect match for your future husband's character, and vice versa.
Regardless, you're a great person and the longer you wait for that one special person, the more thankful you will be for him when you do meet him. Just live in the moment and enjoy your accomplishments, for they are many! When you least expect it, you will run into the one who will be rocking next to you in an old rocking chair on your front porch 35 more years from now!
:)
Sigh. I can't say "oh, don't listen to them", because (thoughtless) comments like that do hurt. I've found that a lot of marrieds quickly lose understanding for the life of a (beautiful) single gal. It's lame and makes me roll my eyes. Anyway...
I can't tell you how many times I have referenced you as an example--for everything. While we had such a short time together, you quickly showed me so many ways to develop myself, married or single; have fun, married or single; and learn, married or single. I hate that such a status defines everyone, which in turn apparently spurs some to console you. No one needs to console Brooke Grant, because you are Brooke Grant. And I will echo Anna, who says that alone =incredible.
xoxo
ps-I've moved to your hometown and still can't see you. No fair. :)
Just wanted to second (third? fourth?) the comments on your awesomeness.
Also. I wanted to add that you aren't the only one in this world who doesn't know exactly what is going to happen in the future. So. Tell those people to lay off.
Also. I want to come to South Carolina and take your class.
First of all. That picture up there is MUCH too depressing to be you. You're way too cool for that. ;)
I love this Chris Barfield guy. Heed to my words. Haha I love him.
I love YOU!
Obviously I have been thinking about this myself quite a bit lately...added to the baggage of being divorced, right. But, you are an inspiration to me. And that is not dependent on you being or staying single. The thing is, you are learning to negotiate this thing called mortality--and you are doing it with flair and thoughtfulness (2 qualities, I might add, that are rarely in combination.)
And it is a hard thing to crave something that is RIGHT and Amazing and best and whatever...and to be able to sustain the desiring of that without losing focus of what amazing things you have right now or turning your heart away from your bliss. But you do that!
I don't know if I am making sense. It is just that it is too easy to stop hoping, or to get bitter, or to think, " I don't really want or need this" when the answer is just to hope, to be believing, to glory in the PLAN and respect and validate our lack, our barrenness that itself testifies of our nature and capacity for wholeness...and then to simultaneously Trust and glory in the moment and the life that is perfect for us. I am not very good at this. But I am trying.
I've taken to picturing Sarah holding Isaac as a baby, her old wrinkled hands cupping his baby softness, to try and combat my own (or others') ideas of timetables for my life.
In the end, this life is about becoming...and no one does that better than you, Brooke.
Sorry for the rambling. I'll just end with this: Take a listen to "You're Aging Well" by Dar Williams, if you can, on me. And let's talk in person soon!!
Brooke,
I wish that I knew you better to be able to leave some very personal comment about you that would help you see the value in yourself to ignore what others think. We are friends on facebook, but I can't quite place you right now. I am sorry, and I hope that doesn't hurt you, you were probably too cool for me in High School anyway. The point is that you have everything you need to be successful. My question, is, are you happy? Are you able to support yourself and be a productive citizen? If the answers to these two are correct, then you are an unmitigated success. There are lots and lots of people that we think have everything we could want, but so many of them are still miserable in their own lives.
I have reached the ripe old age of 39, and I am not looking forward to forty. Not because I feel so much time has passed, but because i have so much more I want to do while my body and mind allow it. I look with fondness back over the many years and relationships I have made, and so should you. I have always measured my success on the number of lives I have touched in a positive manner. Not how much money I make, or how many kids I have and what they become, or what kind of job I have (school counselor humility needed) or anything like that. Just my relationships. From the prior posts here, I can see you have had some super ones! Hang your hat on that, and don't let others dictate your happiness or self worth. All that matters.... ALL that matters is what you think matters!!! Stay happy, Stay Single if you want... it has to be by choice that you are, and good luck in South Korea. We just had an exchange student that lived with us from there, and I believe you will like their humor, and hard working attitude. Congrats on being four years younger than me, and braver than I ever will be. I envy you going to teach in another country, and I would love to do it, but I am too scared. Stay brave!!!
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